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Here is my reflection to the wonderful article by Timber Hawkeye:
How to build, sustain, and strengthen the bridge of relationships between two people with the same goal but different or opposite approaches? This is a big challenge for sustaining and flourishing interpersonal relationships. It is important to understand not only what but more importantly WHY behind the actions. Empathic understanding of each other is the building block of thriving and peaceful relationships. I love Saint Francis of Assisi's words of wisdom when he shows the importance of seeking to understand rather than to be understood. I love to spend time everyday with my grandson exploring spiritual ways of living life. There are certain ideas of living a spiritual life that are basically different from each other. We respectfully differ and listen to each other empathically and compassionately. This way of relating to each other with an open mind blossoms our relationships. Differences do not create distances between both of us. I deeply value Viktor Frankl's words of wisdom: "Between a stimulus and a response, there is space and in that space there is freedom and power." When I have a different perspective or stance on an issue from the other person, I pause, breathe and create a space in me and empathically and kindly understand the other person's perspective-the WHY- and respond wisely. I also follow the same approach when it happens to me. Let me conclude with Rumi's words of wisdom: "Out beyond ideas of right and wrong, there is a field. I will meet you there." Namaste!
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Thich Nhat Hanh was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, a peace activist and author. He passed away on Jan 22, 2022. Below is my reflection to the excerpt from his book Beyond Birth and Death.
I live on many dimensions of life which are time and space bound. Pains and pleasures come and go. Mind is filled with thoughts and worries. Nirvana means extinction of all notions and concepts such as birth and death, being, nonbeing, coming and going. Nirvana is the ultimate dimension of life, a state of goodness, peace, and joy. When I am fully present with the flow of the present moment I feel "nirvanized". It feels like living in the clear sky unbound by space and time. When I am fully present to the present moment with deep awareness I am in the ultimate dimension of reality. I feel the fullness of breath coming and going. I feel centered. When my mind wanders I know I have lost my connection with the ever flowing present. Remaining aware of my in breath and out breath helps me live each moment deeply. I am flowing with isness. Conscious and nonjudgmental breathing helps me live each moment deeply. If pain arises, I do not fight or cover up or run away from pain. I embrace pain tenderly-no fighting, no escape. I recognize it and and embrace pain tenderly. Transformation takes place. From the mud of pain grows the lotus flower. Namaste! When I look out from the eyes, the seer is looking out, the witness consciousness is looking out untouched by what is being seen. What is being seen changes but not the seer or the witness. I like what Ken Wilber says, " There is only One State, within which different states arise. There is only One Taste, through which various different tastes flow." Though we see different selves, there is only One Self. When we realize this Truth, "the heartbeat of compassion will resound. A constant cloud of caring will rain on every parade." as Ken Wiber says.
When I am in deep meditative state the self-created walls of divisiveness and fragmentation melt away and I experience unitive state of consciousness, only One Taste. By practicing Meditation, this state of unitive consciousness stays longer and longer and that's a blessing. The heartbeat of compassion and caring continues resounding. Clouds clear up and in the vast pure Emptiness I experience fullness. Below is my reflection to the article written by Melvin McLeod:
According to my understanding, arriving at enlightenment means finding my true nature of mind, the basic ground of reality in progress. True nature of mind is emptiness-empty of craving and clinging, free from judging mind, free from selfishness and self-will, free of all my projections. Such a pure mind is replete with wisdom, joy, compassion, peace and enlightenment. I remember a story in which a Zen master was asked a question "What is Enlightenment?" To which the Zen master responded: "I drink water when I am thirsty. I eat food when I am hungry. I sleep when I am tired." When our attachment to material and spiritual strivings and struggles ceases, our mind gets deep joy and peace. We are free. We are Enlightened. In my spiritual journey I have been learning that the true inner freedom arises not by struggling to achieve freedom, joy, peace, compassion and enlightenment but by sitting down letting go of my cravings and attachments. I put in action three words in my daily journey of spiritual life: Mindfulness, Awakening and Meditation. Applying these these three spiritual values in my everyday transactions helps me reconcile not striving with other dictums of continuous improvement. Namaste! According to my understanding, mercy is one the most outstanding spiritual virtues. Mercy is different from forgiveness. When somebody does something wrong to me I forgive that person. I do not counteract and I do not hold onto it. I let go. In mercy, I act and and offer my helping hands to help the person with kindness in my heart. Mercy involves forgiveness but it goes beyond forgiveness.
Mercy has three elements: Paying attention, having empathy, and acting-taking steps to help the person who did something wrong. My heart was deeply hurt by someone whom I deeply and passionately loved. She did not show empathy when I was deeply suffering. It was a very painful experience for me to go through. I needed time to recover and heal. I did not hold on to my pain. I worked on it mindfully. I have let go of my resentment and I am relating to the person who caused pain in me with in a loving and kind way. I felt peace in me . Showing mercy to oneself and to others heals wounds of oneself and others. Mercy can be cultivated and sustained by empathy, kindness and compassion and that's how I deal with suffering caused to others by me and by others to me. May we relate to ourselves and others in our life with loving kindness! Namaste! Every thought arises in mind. Mind is the birthplace of all kinds thoughts and emotions - good, ugly and bad. If I get attached to them and get stuck with them they occupy my clear and empty space. In other words I become possessed by my thoughts and emotions.
Thoughts and emotions are ephemeral. They come and go unless I hold on to them adding more and more Karmik patterns and I get bound by such patterns. If I do not hold on to them they will be eventually dissolve. My mind will have emptiness like a clear sky with no clouds. In the empty and clear sky of mind, unconditional love and compassion naturally arise giving birth to joy, peace and fulfillment. It takes time to wake up depending how long I have been sleeping. Practicing awareness has helped me not to go back to sleep but to remain awake. Practicing mindfulness in everyday life keeps me awake and free from the grip of craving and grasping. Candid reflections on getting stuck with self-created bondage helps me make wholesome decisions. This is the way I relate to what Dilgo Khyentse Rinpocha writes about thoughts, Thoughts Are No Thoughts. Namaste! As I was reading this writing by The Gnostic Writer my mind was fully present with what I was reading. My awareness of being fully present with what I was reading is an example of being here and now. Being here and now is the existential reality. My mind is not split by going to the past or thinking about the future. I am in the awakened mindset. My mind is not hijacked either by the past or the future.
My father compared such a here-and-now mindset with clear sky with no clouds. As I am reading this passage my mind is fully present with what I am reading. My mind is not wandering. It is focused. It feels like I am in the flow without any pull or push coming from the past or the future. I am in the fully awakened state of my mind and heart. Not sleeping mentally or dreaming about the future keeps me anchored in the flow of awareness-awareness of here and now. Do I remain in this state all the time? I wish I could. The monkey mind wanders. Mindfulness of the monkey mind brings me back to the flow of here and now. And that is an awakened mind focused on the here and now consciousness. May we all cultivate skills of mindfulness to be in the here-and-now consciousness! Namaste! Below is my reflection to the excerpt of the conversation between bell hooks and Sharon Salzberg.
We are born with a capacity to love. It is like a seed in the soil. And the seed needs to be watered to grow. When a child is born, that child has an innate capacity to love. The child needs to be nurtured so that the child's innate capacity to love blossoms. I was born in a family in which there were four brothers and three sisters. We all looked different and we all have different dispositions, aptitudes and attitudes. We never felt discriminated and were never treated differently. We were accepted as we were. Where does love exist? it exists and thrives in our hearts. And like a seed it needs loving kindness, compassion and support from the significant others in our family and from the community we live in. Sadly, the world is broken down that us-and-them binary is a part of the work of love. I am cognizant of the binary. I recognize it without being bound by this divisiveness. I have refused to go along with this mentality and I have cultivated loving kindness in me. This way of thinking and living has enkindled the light of seeing oneness in manyness. Such a way of living fills my heart with courage, compassion and love. At times discrimination is beaming in my direction because of ignorance and conditioned mindset. I have learned not to wear the clothes that do not belong to them without reacting to other's discriminatory behaviors. May we cultivate seeds of love, courage and compassion for those who throw stones of hatred and discrimination at me. This is what Jesus the Christ and the compassionate Buddha have taught us. Namaste! How to deal with children (and adults too) when emotions run high? We want to do the right thing. But there is a difference between wanting to do right and actually having the wherewithal to carry it right. Good parenting involves intelligence as well as it involves emotion.
Research studies show that even more than IQ, our emotional awareness and ability to handle feelings, and to empathize with others determine our success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships. “Family life is our first school for emotional learning,” writes Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence...The emotional schooling operates not just the parents say and do directly to children , but also in the models they offer for handling their own feelings and those that pass between husband and wife.” Parents who are involved with their feelings are called “Emotional Coaches”. Much like athletic coaches, they teach their children strategies to deal with life’s ups and downs. They do not object to their children’s displays of anger, sadness, or fear. Nor do they ignore them. They use emotional moments as opportunities for teaching their kids important life lessons and building close relationships with them. Among the parents who fail to teach their kids emotional intelligence, research studies have identified three types:
Research studies have found five steps of successful parent-child interactions:
Empathy Empathy is the key for understanding and improving difficult relationships. Dr. Helen Reiss has created E.M.P.A.T.H.Y. acronym for creating healthy interpersonal relationships in her book Empathy Effect. She has described the following Seven Keys to Empathy: E for Eye Contact: When we look at each other empathically we get connected with each other without words. As the saying goes, “ Eyes are the windows in another person’s soul.” Such a gaze releases a sort of bonding hormone, oxytocin. Feelings of love, connection, and empathy flood into the gray matter of the brain. It also activates the social brain regions. M for Muscles of the facial expressions: Our brain is wired to automatically mimic the facial expressions of others in normal situations. When someone smiles at us, we tend to smile back. P for Posture: A person’s posture reveals a great deal about internal emotional states. Slumped shoulders may signal dejection, sadness and even depression. Sitting up tall and upright suggests confidence or happiness. A for Affect: The human face is a critical guide in knowing the emotions a person is experiencing- positive feelings or negative feelings. Research shows that we can cultivate self-compassion and compassion for others in our life. It is not enough to notice a person’s feelings and needs but how we relate to his needs and feelings is very crucial in relationships. T for Tone of voice: Research shows tone of voice conveys over 38 percent of the nonverbal emotional content. It’s a vital key to empathy. Linguists refer to the pace, rhythm, and pitch of spoken language as “prosody”. Prosody infuses a layer of emotion to the spoken word. Become aware of what you convey by the way you communicate: admiration, sarcasm, contempt, surprise, fear or disgust. The tone of the voice reveals if there is empathic communication. H for Hearing the whole person: Active or reflective listening is called “empathic listening” which means paying attention to the other person. Identifying his or her emotions and responding with compassion without judgment. Neurologically speaking, it means tamping down our own amygdala. Nothing productive happens when two people are in “the red zone”. It’s important that both persons agree to take turns to speak. It’s called “talk-listen” by clinical psychologists. Y for Your response: With deep listening comes an empathic response. When you listen to someone empathically, you resonate with the feelings of others. Questions to reflect on:
Recommendations:
References: 1. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman PH.D. 2. The Heart of Parenting by John Gottman PH.D. 3. Empathy Effect by Helen Reiss MD Below is my reflection after reading the article by Tracy Cochran:
Facing the unknown with an open mind and an open heart is exciting with a little trepidation and uncertainty of what will be unfolding. Here is the place for unflinching faith. When I place my self in the hands of the unknown and unseen noble forces with faith, something will emerge that will heal my emotional scars and will make me whole. Whenever I have felt cracks in my life I have placed myself in the forgiving and saving hands of the Divine Being by letting go of my ego-built house. It has not been easy to let go of my attachments and to let my heart open with the hope and faith in the advent, coming of the liberating hands of the Divine. The unshaken shraddha of faith dispel my self-created darkness and wakes me up to see the rays of Divine light. What helps me wake up from my slumber of ignorance is faith or shraddha in the ever present and never forsaking light of the Divinity within me. and all around me. It gets manifested when I become still and open to receive blessings coming from noble beings and noble forces. Such forces help me remain still, awake and focused. Namaste! |
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