​Dr. Marshall Rosenberg has done pioneering work in the field of nonviolent communication.

Purpose 
The purpose of nonviolent communication is to contribute to the well-being of the persons involved in the relationship. It is aimed at relating to each other with authenticity, empathy, compassion and openness. It is meant to connect with each other without judgment, to resolve dividing differences and build human bridges. 

Four Steps 
The following four interrelated steps are involved in learning and practicing nonviolent communication. 

1.  Describe the specific behavior of the person that has caused disturbing feelings in you. Describe such a behavior without using evaluating, judgmental and labeling words or phrases. For example: you are a liar; you are rude and insensitive; you don’t care; you never listen; you will never learn; you are a nag; you are a jerk; how can I trust you? Such expressions invariably result in reactive, defensive, avoiding, distancing and alienating behaviors. In other words, they are counter- productive. We need to change our vocabulary and the ways we communicate our feelings. The right way of communicating would be specific, clear, descriptive and to the point. For example: When I talk, you interrupt me before I finish my sentence. You do not look at me when I talk. You do not follow what we agreed upon. Describe the specific situation rather than describe it in generality. 
2. Make I feeling statements. For example, when you do not do what you said you would, I feel frustrated and upset. I feel disappointed. Feelings words are different from thinking words. For example: I feel you are not listening to me. I feel that he is angry. 
3. Make I need statements. I felt upset when you did not listen to me. I need you to attend to me when I speak. I need to be recognized. Needs and feelings make us alive. How we express our needs and feelings makes our  communication and our relationship helpful or hurtful, constructive or destructive. 
4. Make a request and not a demand. Request: I would like you to look at me when I talk. I would like you to be fully present when I talk. Demand: Look at me when I talk to you. Do not text messages when I talk.

Empathic Connection 
What do I want the other person to do for me? What does the other person want me to do for him? How do we create and sustain our connection? This requires connecting with the needs and feelings of each other. Empathy for oneself and empathy for the other person is one of the most important ingredients of connecting with ourselves and with each other. Empathy is the language of the heart, not of the head. Empathy creates aliveness in our communication. It creates aliveness in us and in the other person. We feel someone cares for us and is willing to understand what we are going through without passing judgment. 

What are my needs that are not fulfilled? How do I feel about it? When we explore ourselves empathically, compassionately and authentically, we understand ourselves and work on ourselves. What does the other person want me to do? What are his needs that are not fulfilled? And how does he feel about it? When we explore ourselves in relationship with each other, we become more alive and explore ways and means of sustaining this aliveness in our relationship. We make it sure we do not blame us or the other person for not having our relationship alive. Blame, guilt, shame, humiliation block the flow of aliveness in our communication and relationship. 

Communication is a bipolar process. Both of you, the receiver and the giver, will have an empathic and open minded stance in listening to each other. Both of you will reveal your inner world of unfulfilling needs and feelings to each other. Both of you will implement the model of nonviolent communication: describe the specific behavior displayed, specific feelings experienced, specific needs fulfilled or not fulfilled, and request to fulfill mutual needs. 

In empathic communication, we remain fully present with each other. Our body language, our eyes, our posture, the words we use and the tone of our voice are powerful indicators of our empathic connection. Am I fully with you? - is an important awareness question for us in empathic connection. This is a very potent aspect of communication. 

What we need to change in us and between us can be explored with each other openly and compassionately. Change within ourselves and the other person takes time. It can be done slowly but steadily in the environment of empathy and positive regard. This way, we contribute to the well-being of each other and make our relationship fulfilling. 

It will be very helpful to share and discuss one specific experience you have had with someone in your family. Apply this model of nonviolent communication and see how it works. It is a good idea to keep a journal recording what worked, how it worked and what you learned from your experience.

Our intention in interpersonal communication and relationship is to understand and to be understood empathically and compassionately. In order to realize this intention follow the following steps: 

1. Identify the specific observations or events you want to discuss. 
2. Express your feelings about events without accusing the other person in the relationship. 
3. Investigate and identify the deeper human needs that need to be met.
   
4. Request, not demand, to fulfill your needs. 
5. Focus on creating a quality of connection that is conducive to collaboration. Connect before you correct. The less blame and criticism in our words, the easier it will be for others to hear us. We are not trying to win or prove them wrong. 

Empathy
True empathy is three dimensional.

1. Cognitive or intellectual dimension for understanding another.
   
2. Affective or emotional empathy means being able to feel what the other person is feeling.
   
3. Somatic dimension. The ability to sense another’s experience in an embodied way. This is visceral, gut-level understanding. Chronic angry, fearful , anxious and hopelessness feelings damage the brain, block airways, rip muscles, crack bones, damage teeth, cause headaches and heartaches. 

Lack of empathy creates separation in relationships. How do we face this challenge and create building blocks in relationships? 

The first step is connecting more deeply with our own experience through Mindfulness. Self-awareness is the basis for empathic connection. As we experience the inner landscape of our own life, so grows our ability to understand the inner lives of others.
The following are the building blocks of interpersonal communication or dialogue. 

1. Silent empathic presence-listening, “feel into” what the other is saying.
   
2. Paraphrase. After listening, summarize the gist of what you have heard, the key features of what you have heard.
   
3. Empathetic reflection. After listening check that you got it right. This may include what they need and how they feel. How can you feel them heard? 

Marshall Rosenberg points out four key aspects of non-violent communication. 

1. We learn to phrase actual observations that are most relevant to a situation.
   
2. The emotions associated with these events, the deeper needs and concerns from which these feelings arose. 
3. Specific requests that might move the conversation forward. What happened? How do you feel about it? What makes you feel about it? Where do we go from here?
   
4. Specific requests for cultivating wholesome relationships.

The goal of interpersonal communication is to learn and practice how to respond without causing reactive behaviors, We need to learn how to initiate and sustain connectedness, how to maintain the clear flow of communication and relationship. The following tips are to help us be mindful of the two inter related processes involved in interpersonal communication.

Tips for talking.
 Talking is genuinely other-oriented. Do not bring your ego- boosting stuff when the other person talks. Do not interject your own story.

 Proving that one is right is counter- productive. It breaks the connection with the other person.

 Speak mindfully so as not to arouse anger, fear, shame, humiliation, inferiority or guilt in the other person. 

 Paraphrase or summarize succinctly what the other person is saying to remain engaged with the other person. This continues the flow of communication.

 Incorporate poses into your speech to allow the other person to put his input, to co-create if there is a desire.

 Make I statements to express your needs, feelings and thoughts. Such a mode of communication prevents accusatory, blaming, humiliating and faultfinding expressions. Try to avoid using words and body language which are bound to evoke a reactive response.

Tips for listening
 Don’t think of a response while listening. The other person senses it and it disrupts the flow of communication.

 Be fully present. Maintain consistent eye contact. Do not engage in multiphasic behaviors while you are listening. This is sure way of losing the other person.

 Ask open-ended questions to expand or enrich what the other person is saying, or helping him to view the situation from a different perspective. It helps the other person gain insights.

 Do not patronize. Do not take a stance of I know it all or I have an answer to what you are going to say.

 Do not interrupt. Become a patient listener. Create a space with attentive silence. This way, the other person feels deeply heard. 

 Let the other person feel that you are a co-traveler in the process of communication. It builds the bridges.

 Listening to the person earnestly and compassionately is a way of serving the other person. It meets the need of a human being to be bonded and connected.

Dr. Marshall Rosenberg has done the pioneering work in the field of nonviolent communication.

The purpose of nonviolent communication is to contribute to the well-being of the persons involved in the relationship. It is aimed at relating to each other with authenticity, empathy, compassion and openness. It is meant to connect with each other without judgment, to resolve dividing differences and build human bridges.

Four Steps

The following four interrelated steps are involved in learning and practicing nonviolent communication.

1. Describe the specific behavior of the person that has caused disturbing feelings in you. Describe such a behavior without using evaluating, judgmental and labeling words or phrases. For example: you are a liar; you are rude and insensitive; you don’t care; you never listen; you will never learn; you are a nag; you are a jerk etc. Such expressions invariably result in reactive, defensive, avoiding, distancing and alienating behaviors. In other words, they are counter- productive. We need to change our vocabulary and the ways we communicate our feelings. The right way of communicating would be specific, clear, descriptive and to the point. For example: When I talk, you interrupt me before I finish my sentence. You do not look at me when I talk. You do not follow what we agreed upon. Describe the specific situation rather than describe it in generality.