Two Types Of Heartbreaks

4/30/2022

"Heartbreak comes with the territory called being human." as Parker Palmer says in this passage. As human beings we all go through all kinds of sufferings-physical, mental, emotional and relational. Our challenge is how do we turn the power of suffering toward new life. Trying to numb the pain of suffering as anesthetics deepens our suffering. Keeping our heart suppressed and closed and making it hard and inflexible creates more suffering. When I relate to my suffering and or someone's suffering with an open, subtle and compassionate heart, I develop greater capacity to take in my sorrows and joys. This is spiritual alchemy.

I have encountered many losses in my life causing a lot of emotional pain. And I have learned how to relate to my painful experiences by keeping my heart open and processing my pain with loving kindness. This is the way I relate to "life's little death" without numbing and suppressing my pain without an anesthetics.

Namaste.

4 Comments

Therese M Griffin link

5/7/2022 12:53:24 pm

Heartbreaks of Anger Turns Into an Abundance of Love

At the age of 8, two days before my 9th birthday, I went through all kinds of sufferings-physical, mental, emotional and relational with my mother’s sudden death. My mother was my protector and she had high expectations at a young age I could make positive decisions.

All of a sudden, my life fell apart. Dad asked that I would go to the two next-door neighbors who had my girlfriends Bonnie and Di in each house. I saw Bonnie and her mother first. She told Bonnie to stay with me as we walked to Di’s house. I shared in my timid voice that Mom died last night. She was at work and sent in an ambulance to the hospital. Dad and I got there first. I climbed up on the 1955 bumper waving at Mom. She didn’t wave back. I didn’t know what the word stroke meant? She was unable to use her arms. I sat in a dimly lit lounge with a giant grandfather clock. A nurse came galloping down the stairs to swift me up the long staircase two steps at a time. Mom was on a rolling type of bed with a spit cup. Mom said, “Therese, don’t worry, I’ll be OK.”

I woke up at my grandmother and aunt’s house in Chicago. I heard lots of crying. I stood in the doorway. My Aunt from out of town screamed, “Therese, you don’t understand! My sister died!” I didn’t understand? No one came to hold or talk with me.

Now, I’m trying to explain that my mother died. Mrs. D started yelling, “Stop lying. That’s not true!” Mr. D came out roaring, “You can’t play with Di anymore because you’re lying!” I didn’t know what to do? I lay on the grass pretending I was holding flowers as a dead person (from cowboy movies). They sent me home, never to come back. Bonnie, 8yrs old, was confused too. Mrs. D took up the neighborhood collection but never said she was sorry that she didn’t believe me.

The school year was ready to start 4th grade. My grandmother and Aunt Ann wanted me to stay with them during the week to attend Sacred Heart in Chicago and home with Dad every weekend for the entire summer. One day, my grandmother said, “Therese, if it weren’t for you, your mother would still be alive because she had you later in life.” That was confusing. I didn’t know what that meant? How did I kill her?

I grew up with a lot of stuffed anger. By the time I turned 18 years, I had started drinking heavily. I could go into rage within seconds that I thought was normal. My Dad, a gentle mountain man from TN, thought I was trying to protect him. My Aunts on the TN side wanted to take me under their wings. They saw an angry young woman who didn’t understand why? The aunts showed me love, but with the alcohol, it was distraught.

I found a self-help recovery group, and I started to become who I am today. I’m pretty much calm and collective today. Yesterday, I had my car maintenance ready for long road travel to Chicago and TN. They were late getting my car completed and said it needed $800 work done later. What do you mean later? I told you to do a travel check. Are you saying it doesn’t need to be done before my trip? “Oh, travel, yes, you need it done now.”

I could feel that old rage feeling taking over my body. I kept reminding myself that I’ve been doing business with this car repair since 2013, when I retired. I kept telling myself in prayer, “Therese, you always had excellent service. They’ve taken care of well. Think positively about their past services.” In the end, the person in charge could see I was tense. He said it was a bad day for him because two workers called in sick that money that’s how they fell behind. I kept chanting in my head. They’ve always given excellent service for the last 9-years. Thinks positive. After 4-hours, I was able to let go and let God. All work was completed by 5 PM. I made it through with no heads chopped off physically, mentally, or spiritually.

My challenge was to turn the power of suffering into new life. Through the grace of God, I continue to live ‘one day at a time’ for 46 years. I told that old sleeping snake to go back to sleep. I don’t need restlessness in my life or give it to other people.

Terese Griffin

5/7/2022 05:04:23 pm

Dear Sister Therese:
You have suffered a lot. You went through the fire of suufering and burnt quite a bit. By God's grace and support of people in your life you turned the power of suffering into new life. May the Divine hands bless you!

Therese Griffin

5/7/2022 05:30:43 pm

Dear Sister Therese:
You have gone through burning fire and came out safe and sound by your courage and loving kind support of people in your life.

Debbie Podwika

5/7/2022 04:57:10 pm

I have to admit, at first, I disagreed with this author completely. I thought, when my heart breaks it may break open but then I'm more likely to be bruised and hurt and so I will close it shut. When he talked about Supple breaking open...then I understood him, though I still disagree that it "breaks open." That is not how I visualize it. I see it as a heart that is always either open or just permeable. I'm thinking of Jane Seymour's Open Heart Necklace. :-) I guess I would rather it not "break open" but merely a window or door that is sometimes cracked slightly, sometimes a pony door and the top is open and sometimes just wide open with lots of laughter and great smells of food so as you can't help yourself but to go in the door! :-)

Mindfulness

Two Types Of Heartbreaks

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