Ways to Connect With Our Children

Dr. J P Dave

Parenting is creating, sustaining and flourishing relationship with our children. Listed below are a few tried out ways of connecting our children when they face challenges in their life.

• Partner with adults in the child’s life: family, school-students, teachers and professionals; neighbors, and community such as Children’s group meetings in a church or a temple or  a synagogue or at your home.

 

• “ Seek first to understand, before being understood.”-Steven Covey

 

• Understand our child’s needs and feelings. Also, understand our needs and feelings. Are they needing autonomy, belonging, connection, expressing their voice, being heard and understood or supported? Does your child  feel frustrated, sad, depressed, scared, afraid, confused, helpless, hurt, disappointed, misunderstood?

 

• Show real empathy and understanding for their difficulties, challenges and concerns.

 

• Make clear observations without judgment, interpretation and our own story.

 

• Provide situations and opportunities to cultivate emotional and social intelligence.

 

• Involve your children in creating a Family Vision Tree. Your intention is to grow and nourish your Family Vision Tree. Brain storm.

 

• Develop solution plan with your children. How everyone’s needs be taken care of. Apply Non-violent Communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg

 

• Do not use the old reward and punishment model.

 

• Create win-win solutions.

 

• There are two kinds of listening: Quiet Mindfulness Listening and Active Listening. Be mindful of the words you use ( Verbal), the tone of your voice (Paraverbal) and your posture (Body language)..Listen more than you speak. Do not give advice unless asked for by your child. Avoid lecturing , arguing and nagging.

 

• Communicate regularly. Do not make it a one time conversation.

    

• Be mindful of triggers and your reactive behaviors. Create a space between a stimulus and your response. Take a pause. Do belly breathing that would help you to be self composed, grounded and focused.. Response is based on understanding your child with empathy and compassion.

 

• “ Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.” Rabindranath Tagore

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