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How we communicate has a significant impact on our relationship. Critical, judgmental and demanding communication disconnects us and creates walls between us. Nonviolent, mindful and compassionate communication builds bridges and deeper connection between us.
Steps for creating authentic and compassionate communication.
Specific concrete behaviors we observe that affect us such as “I see you texting when I am talking with you.” (Notice the observation. It is non-evaluative, non-judgmental, and non- critical)
Pause (P) and exhale (E) to create space within you so you do not react and throw a judgmental and critical angry arrow at him. Example: When will you grow up? How many times do I have to say the same words again and again?)
Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge them (A). Allow yourself to experience and accept them. I am really irritated. I am upset. He does not respect me. It is awful. Notice: You are no more those thoughts and feelings (non-identification). You have freed yourself from those reactive thoughts and feelings. Identify you needs, desires and values that created the disturbing thoughts and feelings
Make a wise choice(C). Respond, not react.
Engage (E). Invite the other person to communicate. Express your empathetic understanding and compassion for the other person. Let the other person know how and why his behavior created upsetting thoughts and feelings in you.
What specific behavior you would request him to do.