​Self-acceptance and Other-acceptance are inter connected.
Accepting oneself and the other in our lives is an ongoing journey as we go
through different phases of growth and development and face existential
challenges in our life. We never become perfect and can tell us “ I made it
and nothing I need to learn and change.” We all are journeying. We all are
human beings with our strengths and weaknesses.
The perfection syndrome prevents us from looking at our shortcomings and
making necessary adaptations and health promoting changes. This is
where the inner work of working on ourselves mindfully continues with ups
and downs in our life. With mindfulness practice, the upward journey gets
smoother and easier and helps us go through the downward journey with
fewer bruises. Ongoing introspection and self-awareness are our great
friends to keep us walk on the wholesome path.
Being honest with oneself and cultivating integrity are essential steps for
our well-being and the well-being of others in our life. And that requires
courage and compassion to be true to oneself. Fear is contagious and so
also courage. Hiding, denying or justifying the dark zone of ourselves
diminishes our potential to grow within us and between us. Let yourself say,
“ This is who I am, a human being like you.” I have my open self, closed
self, hidden self and the self about which I do not have a clue. My intention
is to expand my open self, reduce my closed self, enlighten my blind self
and go deeper to discover my unconscious blockages and be free from my
self-created trappings. Carl Jung calls shadow work-working on the dark
zone of our life.

This is an ongoing intrapersonal and interpersonal work in relationships.
You can’t know until you know and when you know, you know. I know that I
don’t know is the beginning of knowing. No emotions are wrong. Not

recognizing our emotions keeps us trapped and blocks the unfolding,
experiencing and manifesting our deeper and inherent positive kind, loving
and nurturing emotions. We need to be compassionately aware of our
holding on to the tightness of our fist, the hurt it creates and be willing and
bold enough to let it go and open it. The open fist is a welcoming fist, a
helping fist and a connecting fist. It offers the joy of giving, receiving, and
celebrating.
Being compassionate to oneself, forgiving oneself, freeing oneself and
taking care of oneself paves the way to be compassionate to others.
forgiving others, freeing others and taking care of others.
Self -acceptance done lovingly and compassionately is transformative. It
builds the bridge of self-empowerment, peace, deep contentment, joy and
happiness within ourselves and with others. When we practice mindfulness
consistently on a regular basis, we become free from our habitual and
conditioned patterns of thinking, emoting and acting. We function
wholesomely.
May we continue our well-being journey mindfully, and lovingly share our
gifts with others.

Our parents used to say; ”Lasting relationships are made in heaven by gods and nurtured by humans on earth.” This saying applies to both of us. Telling our life story to our children and grand children has become a yearly ritual in our extended family. They have been always curious to know how two people from vastly different backgrounds came together and sustained an unbroken relationship for nearly sixty years. Every year we gladly and happily share our life story with them and we know how that experience has created a strong bond among ourselves. We are equally happy to share our life story with you though we do not know you. Such real life stories build an invisible but strong bond between people regardless of time, space, ethnic, religious and cultural boundaries. Our life story is a story of building such a bond beyond boundaries. It is indeed a Yoga of Relationship.
 
My Roots (Jagdish)
 
I (Jagdish) was born in a traditional poor Hindu Brahmin family and we, my parents, four brothers and three sisters, lived in a small house. Though we were poor, my father was highly respected in our community for his scholarship, his devotion to God and his integrity. He was a teacher, a poet, a storyteller, a devotional singer and a healer. He always stood on his ground against popular winds and was never afraid of telling and living the truth. He followed traditions without being bound by them. He had an abiding faith in God and he believed that God would never forsake him. We faced many hardships and there were times when we did not even have two meals a day. My mother was a woman of heart. She was a very sweet and giving person. My friends used to say that the piece of home made bread they ate at our home tasted sweeter than any other bread they had eaten because my mother made it. I never heard my mother complaining against my father for not having enough clothes or other material comforts. She always counted blessings and never cursed the darkness.  Though from a material perspective we were poor, we were rich in what was important. I am deeply grateful my parents for teaching us such a great lesson in life.
 
We used to have evening chanting and meditation sessions in our house. I distinctly remember the devotional songs sung by my father and how joyfully we all sang along with him. Those two hours of chanting and singing devotional songs and meditating together laid a spiritual foundation in our life. I would never forget how my father lovingly offered his early morning hours to teach us and help us in our studies. He did not impose his wish, his way or his expectation upon us. He just offered his helping hand whenever we needed it. Such a helping stance made us approach him more to ask for help whenever we needed it. Another lesson he taught simply through his presence: it is the presence of a person that is more effective than words of advice, lectures or sermons.

My mother’s presence in our family was more serene, supportive and comforting. Her path was the path of devotion. Every morning she spent time in a little corner to worship and pray to Krishna- one of the ten incarnations of God in Hindu mythology. Her heart was filled with devotional joy, peace and deep contentment. Her presence was very calming. We could be totally ourselves in her presence. Her love was unconditional. She embodied forgiveness and kindness. When successes and failures would affect us she used to remind us to live like a lotus in the water-jalakamalavat- connected but nonattached and unbound, to be in the world and not of the world. She was a busy housewife and caretaker but she always found time to attend to our needs. To her we were more important than the work she was doing or the things around us. Once I drew a picture on a piece of paper. I was very eager to show it to my mom. She was busy cooking. She saw my eager face. She put aside what she was doing and paid her undivided attention to me. Her face mirrored my excitement, pride and delight. I was privileged to have such experiences that enriched my life.

Dr. J P Dave

Parenting is creating, sustaining and flourishing relationship with our children. Listed below are a few tried out ways of connecting our children when they face challenges in their life.

• Partner with adults in the child’s life: family, school-students, teachers and professionals; neighbors, and community such as Children’s group meetings in a church or a temple or  a synagogue or at your home.

 

• “ Seek first to understand, before being understood.”-Steven Covey

 

• Understand our child’s needs and feelings. Also, understand our needs and feelings. Are they needing autonomy, belonging, connection, expressing their voice, being heard and understood or supported? Does your child  feel frustrated, sad, depressed, scared, afraid, confused, helpless, hurt, disappointed, misunderstood?

 

• Show real empathy and understanding for their difficulties, challenges and concerns.

 

• Make clear observations without judgment, interpretation and our own story.

 

• Provide situations and opportunities to cultivate emotional and social intelligence.

 

• Involve your children in creating a Family Vision Tree. Your intention is to grow and nourish your Family Vision Tree. Brain storm.

 

• Develop solution plan with your children. How everyone’s needs be taken care of. Apply Non-violent Communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg

 

• Do not use the old reward and punishment model.

 

• Create win-win solutions.

 

• There are two kinds of listening: Quiet Mindfulness Listening and Active Listening. Be mindful of the words you use ( Verbal), the tone of your voice (Paraverbal) and your posture (Body language)..Listen more than you speak. Do not give advice unless asked for by your child. Avoid lecturing , arguing and nagging.

 

• Communicate regularly. Do not make it a one time conversation.

    

• Be mindful of triggers and your reactive behaviors. Create a space between a stimulus and your response. Take a pause. Do belly breathing that would help you to be self composed, grounded and focused.. Response is based on understanding your child with empathy and compassion.

 

• “ Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it.” Rabindranath Tagore

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Love gives birth to life, nourishes life and connects us with life in all forms. Such love is expressed in compassion for others, in kind and generous acts, wiping the tears of others, feeding the hungry and providing shelter. Sadly, the world created by the Divine hands has been converted into fighting zones, us against you, exploitation and destruction. We have been polluting air, water, food and sky-the sources of life- for our self-serving, profit making ends. These are signs and symptoms of the misuse of intelligence , energy and knowledge.

Total love is needed to bring total revolution. We need to awaken ourselves and others as a humanity from this misery creating slumber. We need to have a balance between being and doing. If our doing is without the being consciousness -compassion, consideration and concerns for the life of others, our actions are going to be destructive, hurting us and others. Tooth for tooth, eye for eye or fire for fire is the mindset of destruction. We need to learn to relate to others not as objects to meet our self-centered needs but as an extension of our selves- from me to we.

We have been blessed to to have people in our lives as models who have reached out and have lovingly touched the lives of others to lift them up. The world is still surviving because of their selfless love and service. In order to create, sustain and flourish such love revolutions, we all have to be a part of it. As the saying goes, charity begins at home but does not end it there. What can we do as parents, neighbors, teachers, students, politicians, social workers, corporate leaders, workers and religious leaders to create an inner environment that is rooted in unconditional love and compassion. This is real spiritual work

I have learned how to create an inner environment for planting and nurturing the seeds of love, peace and service. This is my everyday spiritual practice which brings joy and fulfillment in my life. I share my awakening with school children at my daughter's Montessori school by teaching Mindfulness and Peace Education and Mindfulness Parenting. Work is my service and it brings great joy and happiness to me. I am sure there are many such awakened people who are doing such badly needed work. Our community religious centers and educational institutions need to face and embrace this great universal challenge.

May we wake up, see the light and play our vital role in creating and participating the Total Revolution of Love.
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