Active Listening

Active listening is one of the most effective ways to foster empathy and connection. Everybody wants and needs to be heard and understood. This exercise is meant to achieve this goal.

Follow the following steps:

• Select a quiet place to avoid distractions.
  
• Invite someone or be invited by someone to talk about a problem he or she may be facing.
• Ask: What is on her mind? Invite her to share with you what she is going through that is causing her emotional pain. Request her to be more specific so that you can understand her.
• Paraphrase what she told you. It sounds like-- -- -or what I am hearing from you-- -- - Make I statements.
• Ask questions to elaborate her thoughts and feelings. Be fully present to what she is saying. Demonstrate your genuine interest.
• Be empathetic to understand her perspective, her thoughts and feelings.
• Acknowledge and accept.
• Do not move quickly. Have patience.
• Remain open and relaxed.
• Avoid making judgments.
• Engage with your body language.
• Hold back your advice.
• Ask if it is OK to offer your perspective.
• Four Horsemen that disrupt relationship: 1. Contempt 2. Criticism 3.Stone walling 4. Defensiveness
• Fostering relationship: 1. Humor, teasing and playfulness 2. Appreciation and gratitude. 3. Forgiving, letting go of grudges and negative feelings 4. Acknowledging, empathizing and accepting