Scores of research studies have demonstrated positive effects of meditation on biological, neurological, mental, emotional, social and behavioral well- being of the mediation practitioners. A research study done at Emory University in Atlanta confirms the residual effects of two forms of Meditation. Mindfulness Meditation and Loving Kindness Compassion Meditation. The first group was designed to cultivate skills of focused attention and non-judgmental awareness of breathing, bodily sensations, thoughts and, emotions. The second group was designed to cultivate loving kindness meditation. Twelve participants in each group who had not gone through Meditation training before were the subjects of the research study. One group went through 8 weeks of Mindfulness Meditation training program. The other group went through 8 weeks of Loving Kindness Compassion Meditation training program. The third control group took a health education course for eight weeks.

There were 12 participants in each group. Three weeks before the study began, the study participants were administered fMRI (functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging}. The brain scan provided baseline data of the study participants. 

Three weeks after the training program the participants in each group were administered fMRI (Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging test. The participants of both meditation groups showed decrease in the right amygdala in response to emotional stimuli. Amygdala plays an important part in emotion and memory. The participants were given an assessment tool to check the symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress before they went through meditation training. They were given the same symptoms assessment test after they completed their meditation training. The decrease in the amygdala activity is correlated with decreased depression and anxiety scores. Meditation helped the meditators for creating emotional stability. When the participants in the Loving Kindness and Compassion Meditation were shown images depicting some form of suffering, they showed enhancement in compassion for the people going through suffering. Showing compassion for others may also be beneficial not only for the receiver but also for the giver. Both groups showed remarkable reduction of stress symptoms.

The findings showed the positive and enduring effects of meditation. The studies show that both forms of meditation result in enduring changes in the brain function, especially in the area of emotional processing.

How to deal with this strong affliction affecting us in many ways? To vent or not to vent is the question.

Anger is energy. How do we use it, how do we manage it? This is a big challenge for all of us.

There are four ways we deal with anger: Release angry feelings in an intense and explosive way. Type A personalities display this pattern and these patterns become habitual. We may describe them as “hot heads”. Then there are those who consciously suppress such feelings and stuff them. We may describe them as “suppressers”. There are those who unconsciously suppress their anger-filled feelings. We may describe them as “repressors”. People who stuff their angry feelings and do not deal with them constructively often display passive aggressive behaviors. And there are those who mindfully manage their angry feelings in constructive ways. We may describe them as “cool heads”. 

Spending twenty minutes a day to practice Mindfulness Meditation is very beneficial for our mental and emotional wellness. It lays a good foundation for living clearly and peacefully.

We are a social being. We have a need to belong to, to be connected, to take care and to be taken care of, to share our dreams, joys and sorrows. We create a social net work, a world of relationships of all kinds. The closer the relationships, the greater are the challenges and opportunities for growth and development. A big challenge in interpersonal relationship is how to work through differences without causing emotional distances. What do we do to create and sustain bridges instead of walls? How do we communicate as I to I rather than I vs. I or I and It?

This is where the practice of Mindfulness Meditation comes into play.

Create personal space and time for processing the inner stuff by recognizing (awareness) and staying with it(attending) non-judgmentally, non-critically, without reacting , accepting it. This needs to be done gently, patiently and compassionately. We do not get stuck with or dwell on the energy draining recurring negative stuff. We are making a shift from fight, flight and freeze stress response zone to a stress free flowing zone. We are on the path to wellness. We are coming out of the cloudy sky to a clear sky. A wholesome understanding and insight arise from the clear mind. Right knowing leads to right speech and right action. We get numerous opportunities in our daily life to practice mindfulness meditation. We do not hold onto and accumulate negative stress resulting in self and other hurting behaviors.

The same procedure needs to be used when we encounter differences in intimate and important relationships. We follow the same procedure as a couple or as parents, teachers or friends and colleagues. We need to create space within ourselves and between ourselves to create and sustain I to I mode of communication resulting in we-together- mode of communication. We get numerous opportunities to work on ourselves personally and interpersonally.

​So let us do it.

There are times to hold on and there are times to let go. Our growth, like a tree, requires both roots and branches-the horizontal and vertical dimensions of growth. Like trees, we need to have barks to protect ourselves. We need protective structures and boundaries as we go through the delicate process of growth. Like trees, we need to let go of the barks when they are no more needed. We need to let go of our protective defenses when they become restrictive and constrain our growth. It is not easy to step out of our comfort zone to make room for further growth. It is wise for us not to carry the boat on our head when we are no more in the river. Such an awakened state of self-awareness frees us from the trap we create in our lives. 

It is difficult to get out of that zone that makes us feel secured and at ease. We also get stuck with the painful experiences and feelings of our past relationships and our hurts. We all have the shadow that part of ourselves we do not like or are scarred of. Running away from me, hiding it from myself and from the significant people in my life is not the right way to heal myself and grow from my experiences. I am the one who is keeping me in my prison.

We all go through the dual aspects of ourselves: wanting and not wanting, liking and disliking, ebb and flow, darkness and light, gains and losses, hope and despair, life and death. How do I transcend this dualistic mode of living to become a whole and an integrated person? This is a challenge for all of us. In order to be illumined, I need to go through the dark side, the shadow, of myself. Avoiding it, fighting it, hiding it or running away from it is not the right answer. I need to face it, go through it and release it, let it go. We transcend, go beyond the stuck energy within and between ourselves This is a process of freeing me form me. This is the ultimate freedom. This self-work is the key to living fully. It is described in different ways, such as” Be, here and now”, “Living in the Being Zone”, “The Now Consciousness”. It is usually” a road less traveled”.

The goal of interpersonal communication is to learn and practice how to respond without causing reactive behaviors, We need to learn how to initiate and sustain connectedness, how to maintain the clear flow of communication and relationship. The following tips are to help us be mindful of the two inter related processes involved in interpersonal communication.

Tips for talking.
 Talking is genuinely other-oriented. Do not bring your ego- boosting stuff when the other person talks. Do not interject your own story.

 Proving that one is right is counter- productive. It breaks the connection with the other person.

 Speak mindfully so as not to arouse anger, fear, shame, humiliation, inferiority or guilt in the other person. 

 Paraphrase or summarize succinctly what the other person is saying to remain engaged with the other person. This continues the flow of communication.

 Incorporate poses into your speech to allow the other person to put his input, to co-create if there is a desire.

 Make I statements to express your needs, feelings and thoughts. Such a mode of communication prevents accusatory, blaming, humiliating and faultfinding expressions. Try to avoid using words and body language which are bound to evoke a reactive response.

Tips for listening
 Don’t think of a response while listening. The other person senses it and it disrupts the flow of communication.

 Be fully present. Maintain consistent eye contact. Do not engage in multiphasic behaviors while you are listening. This is sure way of losing the other person.

 Ask open-ended questions to expand or enrich what the other person is saying, or helping him to view the situation from a different perspective. It helps the other person gain insights.

 Do not patronize. Do not take a stance of I know it all or I have an answer to what you are going to say.

 Do not interrupt. Become a patient listener. Create a space with attentive silence. This way, the other person feels deeply heard. 

 Let the other person feel that you are a co-traveler in the process of communication. It builds the bridges.

 Listening to the person earnestly and compassionately is a way of serving the other person. It meets the need of a human being to be bonded and connected.

Empathy is discovering and understanding the other person’s perspective, his needs and feelings to guide our actions. A revolutionary shift has taken place in postulating the nature of human nature. The old view that the human nature is basically bad and self-centered is being replaced by the research made by psychologists, sociologists, historians, evolutionary biologists and neuroscientists. Their research has shed a new light on the basic nature of human nature. We are also homo empathicus wired for empathy, social cooperation and mutual aid. We are social beings naturally evolved to take care of each other, just like our primate cousins.

We are primed for empathy by having strong attachment and bonding relationships with the care- taker in the first two years of life. The good news is that we can nurture empathy through out our lives. We can make empathy as an attitude and an important part of our daily life.

Research studies of empathic personalities have identified the following six characteristics of empathic persons:

1. They have genuine curiosity about strangers, persons out of their social circle. Such curiosity expands our empathy circle. They show an earnest interest to understand the world inside the mind of the other person.

2. They challenge their own preconceptions and prejudicial labels about people different from themselves. For example, “ Muslims are fundamentalists”; “ Homeless people are lazy and parasites”, “ The well-fare mom”. Have courage to chat with a stranger with a curious and open mind once a week. You will find a lot of commonalities between you and them-the same needs, the same aspirations and the same pains and sufferings. We discover humanness in people who apparently look so different from us.

3. They implement experiential empathy learning model. Peace core workers are a good example of such empathy learning. We may have information and bookish knowledge of people who are different from us. What is missing in our education is the experiential component of real and significant learning. We need to be reminded of John Dewey’s words of wisdom: “ All genuine education comes about through experience.”

4. Listen hard and attentively and open up. This is the radical art of listening. As Marshall Rosenberg says, “ Empathy is our ability to be present to what’s going on within the other person-the unique feelings and needs the person is experiencing in the very present moment.” We need to grasp their emotional state and needs at the present moment.

5. Inspire change on a personal and inter personal level, class -room level, home level and on a community level. We need to plant the seeds of empathy in our children and they will flower on a larger scale. Canada’s pioneering program Roots of Empathy is one of the most effective programs for teaching empathy to  schoolchildren. Research shows the positive impact of this program on children’s social and emotional intelligence, decline in aggression and improving their academic learning. 

6. They do not interrogate or examine people of differences. They show genuine curiosity to develop deep understanding and relationship. Such open- hearted communication and interaction helps them examine their own limitations, biases and preconceived notions. It opens avenues for both sides to learn from each other and grow within and between.

Parenting our children has become quite difficult in the fast moving, complex and stressful world we live in. Enjoying carefree, safe and stress free childhood has become difficult for our children. We love our children and want the best in their lives. We are interdependent and interconnected. What affects our children affects us. What affects us affects our children. We need a stress-free and mindful mindset to see, understand and respond to our children.

Mindfulness Parenting offers us such a new perspective for working on ourselves and relating
to our children. Mindfulness simply means paying nonjudgmental and compassionate attention to the full spectrum of our inner world and awareness of the inner world of our child. It is all about cultivating our attention and awareness of the field of our experience and our child’s experience or some specific elements of the field of the experience. Such a mindset helps us to be authentic, trustworthy and dependable in our child’s eyes and helps the child to be authentic, trustworthy and dependable in our eyes. Healthy relationship grows and blossoms in such an understanding, authentic and nurturing environment- an environment in which we do not react but respond to each other. We feel cared for and not neglected, accepted and not rejected, healed and not hurt. 

​The ingredients of mindfulness are nonjudgmental awareness, calmness, clarity and compassion. When we practice mindfulness to work on ourselves and to work on inter-personal issues that cause and continue frustration, irritation, despair and anxiety, we come to a clearer and empathic understanding of each other. We join hands with each other to remove the walls between each other and build a bridge of empathic understanding and make wise choices to resolve the distressing issues. We use our energy creatively and constructively.

Intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship is an ongoing learning and growing process of cultivating and sustaining connectedness, an intimate relationship. Relating to oneself and to the other requires our full presence to ourselves and to the other person.. Mindfulness is an intentional and nonjudgmental awareness of what is happening in the present moment, the existential awareness, of myself in relationship with the other person. It requires our bare and full attention to ourselves and the other person.

Unconditional positive regard, empathy and compassion, and authenticity and congruence are the essential components of such mutually growing relationship.

In order to cultivate these competencies, we need to practice sitting mindfulness, taking time out from our ever- busy and stressful life. This is our quite time to be present to ourselves to be mindful of our inner landscape. It is a holistic mindfulness of our body-body scan-, bodily sensations, breathing, thoughts feelings and emotions arising in us. We compassionately listen to, notice and become aware of our changing inner world. Such sitting mindfulness practice helps us to be free from our consciousness stuck with the past hangover and future worries and anxieties. It opens up fresh and new doors of perception; understanding and insight which helps us act constructively. Quiet mind, clear mind helps us make creative, constructive and wise choices.

We need to practice sitting mindfulness in our relationships with ourselves and others. Sitting mindfulness practice helps us to remain mindful and centered in our transactions with others in our life. Become mindful of the impact of behavior of the other, your friend, teacher, family member on you. When you remain mindful of your inner world at that time, remain centered and mindfully respond to the other (not react), you create a bridge of understanding and working together. Our transactions do not result in power struggle and disconnect.