Empathy is discovering and understanding the other person’s perspective, his needs and feelings to guide our actions. A revolutionary shift has taken place in postulating the nature of human nature. The old view that the human nature is basically bad and self-centered is being replaced by the research made by psychologists, sociologists, historians, evolutionary biologists and neuroscientists. Their research has shed a new light on the basic nature of human nature. We are also homo empathicus wired for empathy, social cooperation and mutual aid. We are social beings naturally evolved to take care of each other, just like our primate cousins.
We are primed for empathy by having strong attachment and bonding relationships with the care- taker in the first two years of life. The good news is that we can nurture empathy through out our lives. We can make empathy as an attitude and an important part of our daily life. Research studies of empathic personalities have identified the following six characteristics of empathic persons: 1. They have genuine curiosity about strangers, persons out of their social circle. Such curiosity expands our empathy circle. They show an earnest interest to understand the world inside the mind of the other person. 2. They challenge their own preconceptions and prejudicial labels about people different from themselves. For example, “ Muslims are fundamentalists”; “ Homeless people are lazy and parasites”, “ The well-fare mom”. Have courage to chat with a stranger with a curious and open mind once a week. You will find a lot of commonalities between you and them-the same needs, the same aspirations and the same pains and sufferings. We discover humanness in people who apparently look so different from us. 3. They implement experiential empathy learning model. Peace core workers are a good example of such empathy learning. We may have information and bookish knowledge of people who are different from us. What is missing in our education is the experiential component of real and significant learning. We need to be reminded of John Dewey’s words of wisdom: “ All genuine education comes about through experience.” 4. Listen hard and attentively and open up. This is the radical art of listening. As Marshall Rosenberg says, “ Empathy is our ability to be present to what’s going on within the other person-the unique feelings and needs the person is experiencing in the very present moment.” We need to grasp their emotional state and needs at the present moment. 5. Inspire change on a personal and inter personal level, class -room level, home level and on a community level. We need to plant the seeds of empathy in our children and they will flower on a larger scale. Canada’s pioneering program Roots of Empathy is one of the most effective programs for teaching empathy to schoolchildren. Research shows the positive impact of this program on children’s social and emotional intelligence, decline in aggression and improving their academic learning. 6. They do not interrogate or examine people of differences. They show genuine curiosity to develop deep understanding and relationship. Such open- hearted communication and interaction helps them examine their own limitations, biases and preconceived notions. It opens avenues for both sides to learn from each other and grow within and between.
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Parenting our children has become quite difficult in the fast moving, complex and stressful world we live in. Enjoying carefree, safe and stress free childhood has become difficult for our children. We love our children and want the best in their lives. We are interdependent and interconnected. What affects our children affects us. What affects us affects our children. We need a stress-free and mindful mindset to see, understand and respond to our children.
Mindfulness Parenting offers us such a new perspective for working on ourselves and relating to our children. Mindfulness simply means paying nonjudgmental and compassionate attention to the full spectrum of our inner world and awareness of the inner world of our child. It is all about cultivating our attention and awareness of the field of our experience and our child’s experience or some specific elements of the field of the experience. Such a mindset helps us to be authentic, trustworthy and dependable in our child’s eyes and helps the child to be authentic, trustworthy and dependable in our eyes. Healthy relationship grows and blossoms in such an understanding, authentic and nurturing environment- an environment in which we do not react but respond to each other. We feel cared for and not neglected, accepted and not rejected, healed and not hurt. The ingredients of mindfulness are nonjudgmental awareness, calmness, clarity and compassion. When we practice mindfulness to work on ourselves and to work on inter-personal issues that cause and continue frustration, irritation, despair and anxiety, we come to a clearer and empathic understanding of each other. We join hands with each other to remove the walls between each other and build a bridge of empathic understanding and make wise choices to resolve the distressing issues. We use our energy creatively and constructively. Intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship is an ongoing learning and growing process of cultivating and sustaining connectedness, an intimate relationship. Relating to oneself and to the other requires our full presence to ourselves and to the other person.. Mindfulness is an intentional and nonjudgmental awareness of what is happening in the present moment, the existential awareness, of myself in relationship with the other person. It requires our bare and full attention to ourselves and the other person.
Unconditional positive regard, empathy and compassion, and authenticity and congruence are the essential components of such mutually growing relationship. In order to cultivate these competencies, we need to practice sitting mindfulness, taking time out from our ever- busy and stressful life. This is our quite time to be present to ourselves to be mindful of our inner landscape. It is a holistic mindfulness of our body-body scan-, bodily sensations, breathing, thoughts feelings and emotions arising in us. We compassionately listen to, notice and become aware of our changing inner world. Such sitting mindfulness practice helps us to be free from our consciousness stuck with the past hangover and future worries and anxieties. It opens up fresh and new doors of perception; understanding and insight which helps us act constructively. Quiet mind, clear mind helps us make creative, constructive and wise choices. We need to practice sitting mindfulness in our relationships with ourselves and others. Sitting mindfulness practice helps us to remain mindful and centered in our transactions with others in our life. Become mindful of the impact of behavior of the other, your friend, teacher, family member on you. When you remain mindful of your inner world at that time, remain centered and mindfully respond to the other (not react), you create a bridge of understanding and working together. Our transactions do not result in power struggle and disconnect. 1. In a hyper connected world, bombarded by multiple forms of stimulation, how can we be aware of the quiet gifts that the present moment has to offer? What are those gifts? Cultivating mindfulness practice can be a powerful way to train our minds and tune into the beauty of here and now. When we take a few minutes to observe our breath, or eat a meal with silent attentiveness or read a book with full attention the subtle impact of such mindfulness practice carries far reaching ripples, within and without.
2. Mindfulness tunes out unwanted distractions. It helps the wandering mind or the monkey mind to be centered and focused. When we multitask, we weaken our brain’s ability to filter out important from irrelevant inputs. Taking time to be mindful can regulate brain waves that focus the mind and screen out unwanted distractions. 3. Mindfulness calms the mind. Mindfulness practice releases the tension in the body and also the mind. Mindfulness practice can help us embrace our worries, our fears, our anger and that is very healing. We need to genuinely learn the art of resting, relaxing and that way restoring our energy. Mindfulness practice reduces rumination, anxiety and stress. 4. Mindfulness inspires us to be compassionate and altruistic. “It is in giving we receive” –Saint Francis of Assisi. A growing body of brain research shows that we are hard wired to be kind. Mindfulness practice enables us to drop into our natural inclination to help. Research at Northeastern and Harvard studied the link between mindfulness and compassion. Extend your loving kindness to yourself, to others.-Words of wisdom from wisdom traditions. 5. Mindfulness helps us feel good about helping others. It also ignites a deeper joy within us while we do it. Research shows that helping behavior could be predicted by two specific aspects of mindfulness: the ability to focus on the present moment-present- focused attention- and maintaining a non-judgmental acceptance of thoughts and experiences. Help others as you help yourself. Love your neighbor as you love yourself- Words of wisdom from wisdom traditions. 6. Mindfulness enables us to show our authenticity. By practicing mindfulness, we develop a more nuanced awareness of who we truly are. We need to feel in order to heal. We need to learn to accept ourselves compassionately and non-judgmentally in order to discover and know our true self. All wisdom traditions remind us “to know thyself.” It is by losing yourself, you find yourself.-Words of wisdom from wisdom traditions. All of us have intrinsic native goodness and wholeness in us. This is the ground of being from which arises compassion, kindness, love and intuitive knowing. The actualization of this innate potential is affected by the environment we are exposed to. If we are blessed to having loving, caring, wholesome, and nurturing environment, our potential blossoms relatively easily. But when we are exposed to chronic growth restricting, punitive and distressful environment, our growth potential gets adversely affected. The outer environment affects the inner environment. The potential to be whole gets fractured.
Mindfulness practice is an inner work and relational work. We need to bring mindfulness to seven interrelated areas of our life; physical, breathing, mental, emotional, social, natural and spiritual. We need to set aside quality time to mindfully explore these seven significant aspects of our life. We need to practice it regularly, consistently and patiently. It is a good idea to do sitting formal mindfulness practice in a quiet place to avoid disruptions and distractions. |
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