We all experience a wide range of emotions, positive and negative. Our emotions have an impact on us and others associated and connected with us. It is wide to learn how to regulate negative emotions for personal and interpersonal health and happiness.
Emotional regulation is the ability to identify, manage and respond to intrapersonal and interpersonal emotional experience in a growth promoting way. It is an intra-being and inter-being work. It is from inside out and from outside in kind of work. The intention is to turn the negative energy into positive energy.
Cultivating Emotional Regulation Skills
“Reactivity is enslavement. Responsibility is freedom….Taking responsibility is not accepting blame…It simply means consciously responding to the situation. Once you accept the responsibility, you will invariably start exploring ways to address the situation. You will look for solutions… your ability to craft your life situations will keep enhancing itself.
If you look at your life closely, you will find that you have done the most idiotic and life-negative things when you were angry…it is singularly unpleasant-for you and for those at the receiving end. It is also counterproductive and therefore inefficient.
Stress is entirely self-created and self-inflicted. Once you take charge of your inner life, there is no such thing as stress. You only mess up your situations by getting angry. Once you see that clearly, you’ve taken the first step toward change… in a state of anger, you are literally poisoning your system. When you are angry, your chemistry is altered, and your system turns toxic. The choice is always before you: to respond consciously to the present; or to react compulsively to it…. Responsibility is born in awareness, in consciousness. Reactivity is born in unawareness, unconsciousness. The first is freedom, the second is enslavement…Being responsible is taking ownership of your life.
Responsibility is not reaction but is not action either. Responsibility and action belong to different dimensions. The ability to respond gives you the freedom to act. It also gives you the freedom not to act. It puts you in the driver’s seat of your life… Responsibility is not compulsive action. It offers you the choice of action. Action has to be judiciously performed.
If responsibility is “response-ability,” the capacity to be responsive to situations can be limitless.
Quotations for Reflections selected by Dr. J P Dave
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our own response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.- Viktor F. Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Himself
This idea that we can learn underneath our emotions, if we feel a sense of guilt, if we feel a sense of anger, there’s often something that is instructive to us. Now, the very clear distinction here is that our emotions are data, not direction. We can always learn from them, but we don’t need to obey them or dominated by them.-Susan David, author of Emotional Agility
Exercise: Take your time to settle down and let the strong emotion or feeling you have experienced recently or you are experiencing now show up in your mind. Be centered and consider the emotions to be data rather than directions. What do they tell you about yourself? What is the impact of the other person’s behavior on you? How do you choose to respond and not to react? Be the change you want to see in the other person.
Recall an event where you were derailed by your negative or destructive emotion. Set your intention and apply mindfulness to respond rather than react. Discern the signposts, the core values that you care about in your relationship with the other person. What is the other person telling you, is implying what he values and needs by expressing his anger? What he really wants you to hear? How will you help him to listen to his own underneath want or value?
Be mindful of minimizing or pushing or rationalizing your thoughts and emotions away. Let us not second guess when things go wrong. Let us not put it aside or forget about it or ignore it and wish or hope things will be all right. Let the thoughts and emotions show up. How do we relate to the content, how do we deal with which is critical. Do we allow ourselves to get stuck with them or be bound by them? If we do not relate to them mindfully, it will perpetuate the harmful cycle. The opportunity to learn and grow from the experience will be lost.`````````````
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